Sunday, January 12, 2014

Wives: Will You Make Him or Break Him? pt1

A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like a cancer to his bones.
-Proverbs 12:4

                                                                    Photo Courtesy of Google Images

As wives we have a daily "influence" on our husbands. It's up to us, almost all of the time, as to whether he will leave for the day in a good, happy mood; or down in out or angry.
Something a lot of us need to keep in mind is how that will affect his day, his interactions with other people, his job, etc.
If your husband wakes to your nagging, what kind of mood is that going to put him in?

Better to live in the corner of the roof, than to share a house with a nagging wife.
-Proverbs 21:9 AND 25:4 (that's right ladies, it's repeated. Seems important...)

Better to live in the wilderness, than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.
-Proverbs 21:19

So even the Bible, the HOLY WORD OF GOD, tells men to run away from those of us wives, who are a constant source of frustration, bitterness, judgement, anger, and contentiousness.
Better to live on the roof? To live in the wilderness? I don't know about you, but that speaks to me. I've most definitely been guilty of nagging, of being quarrelsome and just down right annoying. 
And when I was doing that, when each and every one of you were- we were sinning. 
As much as proverbs is about what kind of woman a man should seek in a wife, it is a list of qualities we should strive to have.

The title of this mini-series is Wives: Will You Make Him or Break Him?
Especially being a Godly, Christian wife, we have the power to do so. And it's not a power we should hold lightly. It is a direct COMMAND from God that we are to HONOR our husbands. And today's topic is one we have ALL done. Nagging.
Lemme ask you: Is nagging him, pointing out his faults over and over, picking fights over nothing, taking out all of your anger and frustrations out on him, is that HONORING your husband? Or is it causing a "cancer in his bones"?
Absolutely the second, agreed? Sometimes it feels hard not to do some of these things though, doesn't it?
In this section, let's discuss ways we n become "worthy" wives, ways we can deal with certain emotions and situations in a more Godly fashion.

Nagging: But Lorey! He won't take out the trash, pick up his dirty socks, pay attention to what I'm telling him, he won't listen listen listen!
Any married woman has dealt with at least one of these situations. It's fact of life, your husband is human. But instead of incessant nagging, how are some ways we can get our point across, or remind him?

First of all, you need to go to God. Ask him for ideas, for patience, and to remind your husband. God is gunna do a better work on him than you are any day, so let's give it to him!
But on our part we can try to do things like:
  • Notes - I don't just mean notes that say: Josh take out the trash! posted all over the house, I mean uplifting, glorifying notes that will brighten his day as well as remind him! Things like: I love you, wonderful man of mine! Have a beautiful day! (Don't forget to take the trash out with you, please!) or something like: The Lord has done GREAT things for us! We are GLAD! (psalm 126:3) He HAS done great things for us! And I can't wait to see what other awesome things he has in store for our marriage! (Could you drop your socks in the hamper, please? Thank You!) Uplift your man, ladies! Show him you adore him, you enjoy him! And then add a little note on whatever it is he needs to do, and don't say a word more about it. Just watch what happens! Anyone on this earth is more likely to listen and care about what you say, if you first show them you care about them. And will be less likely if you nag them with a disapproving, frustrated or angry attitude.
  • Effort - Still hasn't taken out the trash? Put away those nasty socks? Go ahead and bag it up, put it in front of the door, so when he leaves in the morning, he'll have seen your sweet notes, had your kiss and words of encouragement for the day, and when he runs into the trash, 9 times out of 10, he'll pick it up and take it on out. But I don't want to! That's his job! Number one, that isn't the attitude to have. Number 2, you are a TEAM. If he needs you to take this extra step to help him get into the habit, go ahead and do it. Alley-Oop that trash to where it goes!
  • Love - Want him to listen to what you have to say? Than listen to what he has to say, even if you don't care! Discuss what he wants to, and he'll do it for you! That's what Love is. It's putting in the effort to enjoy what you Man does. It's realizing he won't listen because you won't. If you don't wanna hear the stories about his day, why should he listen to yours?
Okay Lorey, I've done all of the above, but he still isn't listening, and the trash/socks are right where they've always been!
Frustrating, I know, but it's STILL not our place to nag, to be rude... He doesn't wanna hear your gripey behind as soon as he walks in the door coming down on him for still not doing anything. At this point you need to go back to God and ask for patience, for understanding, and for peace over the situation. As God what you should say to him. And then have a sit-down.
Don't attack him, or put him on the offensive, but appeal to his love. God will always give you the words, the scripture, the actions, etc that will speak to his heart. 

She does him good and not evil, all of the days of her life. -Prov 31:12

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